When we were fresh young 18 year olds, it was expected that the guy courted his new found girlfriend for several months even a few years BEFORE they took their relationship to the next level and it became sexual.  Some even waited for that moment until they were married and that is a very rare occurrence in the Western World, particularly in the 21st century.

Sadly, relationships which go beyond 20 years are a rarity too these days so we are seeing more and more 40-50 year olds back on the dating scene and it seems the good old-fashioned days of courtship disappeared along the way too!  Internet dating has added a whole new perspective as well.  Couples can find out more about each other in a few emails than they would have found by going out with each other for 6 months and provided both are open and honest with each other, that can be a huge positive.  So by the time they get to meet physically, they know about each other pretty well.  The first date seems to go extremely well and often leads to a second date then a few weeks later it is all over. So why?

Is it because the older couples get involved sexually with each other fairly quickly? Does this spell commitment and a life-long relationship for one whilst the other sees it as a no-strings attached relationship?  Does the sex not meet the expectations of one or the other?

Firstly, people are complicated when it comes to issues of the heart and to the most part we have spent many years cultivating in our heads just what our ideal partner would be. These expectations we have of people can put an enormous strain on a forming relationship and it is important to give people a little leeway. Understandably, people do make allowances for failed expectations however the truth is that a little too much wine can lower our expectations a little too much and make us act in a way that is not true to our real feelings. It's only when the date is over and the effects of alcohol subside do we realize that the person really isn't suitable at all.

Secondly, most people have some sort of emotional baggage whether that takes the form of an unresolved previous relationship or emotional fear of becoming attached again. I have often wished that people could be more up front about any concerns like this but often they are not and unfortunately, people find it easier to lie themselves out of a difficult emotional situation.

Thirdly, an old boyfriend or girlfriend wants them back and your date was in a sense using you to see if they are up to starting another relationship or not. This situation is probably the worst as you will find it extremely difficult to compete with someone your date has history with. On old partner will not require all the time and effort involved in starting again and represents a comfortable way out of the dating scene.

Finally, and possibly the most difficult to swallow is that perhaps you were just too keen and got a little carried away. It's such a hard balancing act to do, knowing when the time is right to open up your emotions to someone and yet be sure that you're not making yourself too vulnerable. It's even harder when all the signals are telling you that it's ok to be swept away, especially if the date has taken on quite an intimate nature.

So what can you do now? The most sensible thing you can do is to reflect on what has happened and file it away in your experience drawer in the safe knowledge that you are that much wiser on the dating scene. The colours of the school of experience are black and blue and unfortunately even though we are older, it doesn't mean to say we have learnt our lessons well at all.

Take it slower next time and don't be too quick to allow yourself to fall. Be sure the signs are right and trust your instincts. If there is a niggling doubt in your mind about something, generally there is something wrong and it's only the ecstasy of falling in love that is preventing you from facing it.